I believe this officially marks the time when a persons little kid inside dies. Sad for me. I love to be a kid. I love holidays, almost to a fault.
However this morning, I woke up dreading that it was Halloween and I had to go to school and be pleasant. I hated that the kids would be so wild and excited. I loathed having to get dressed-up.
Then it was time to go hand out candy. I couldn't stay at home because Velo wanted to and someone needed to hand out at Grandma's. I wanted Mole to take Foosa trick-or-treating. Mole loves this kind of thing and could really use some happiness in her life.
None of it was bad. It just wanted good either. That's the disappointing part. It used to be good just because it was a holiday. And now....it's just something else to do. Something that I have to take care of. Something that I need to spend time and money on. One more to do.
There were, in hind sight, a few highlights.
The children were darling.
I saw one of my students from last year trick-or-treating in my neighborhood.
We went to the graves today.
There, no one can say I didn't try to look for the silver linings.
What kind of things make you feel old?
Do you like the holidays? What's your favorite part? What do you dread?
1 comment:
I'm sorry yesterday was so hard for you. You hide it well - you always look so happy. Of course, I saw you after the kids had left. I don't think it's a coincidence that you feel this way, this year.
For quite a few years of our married life, we celebrated very little. It just didn't feel right to go all out with decorating and hoopla when inside we were just all torn up. I would decorate the graves with Christmas trees - but no tree in our house. I'd set pumpkins up at the graves - but no halloween at home. A neightbor asked if we were going to a ward party, and I said (sarcastically)"No, that kind of thing is for families." Meaning people with kids. Okay, I was bitter at times.
Yeah, not happy years. I feel badly that we acted so sour towards all things festive - and maybe we hid it to some extent to others. It was just how we dealt with it.
I think you are amazing to do what you do.
When the boys came, we flew into holiday celebrations! Needed to make up for lost time, I guess.
Now...I'm afraid that I don't do a whole lot of decorating. And that makes me feel like a wart. But it is one more thing to do, to spend money on, to find the time for, and the space to store. I'm lazy too. We didn't bring out any Halloween decorations this year! And I'm loving it - today.
What do I like about the holidays? Making my kids happy, seeing them excited. Still don't like decorating.
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