Just sitting here watching Grandma tonight. This is my mothers mother. She’s kinda’ cookoo now, but really she’s just gettin old. Oh how I don’t anticipate that. She helped raise me while my mom was off working and being a young single woman. I have always been very close to my grandma.
This poor lady has health issues most people can’t imagine. And she’ll let you know it. She’s been sick her whole life. I’m talking, her school teacher mother kept her at home for three years of elementary, kind of sick. Poor thing, she’s just deteriorating, but keeps living.
I know that sounds cruel and harsh, but it’s what she wants. To die that is. The family is starting to wish it for her too. Terrible, huh?! But when you see someone you love in horrific pain and struggling with life, not to mention whom desires death to befall her, you just want to see her peaceful again. Plus she is starting to ruin relationships with family members, and no one wants that.
See, grandma has had a stroke that deadened the “happy” receptors in her brain. She literally doesn’t feel pleasure. EVER. Can you even imagine if all you felt was pain and fear, but nothing to balance that out? For example, each time I’ve gotten pregnant, she hasn’t seemed to give a hoot. But when I loose the baby, she is all up in arms and teary. It’ s a kinda sick, sad way to show affection. But she can’t help it.
Like I said, Poor lady!
So Aunt Mole lives with her. Noble lady. She quit her job, left the life she knew and loved and moved up here to take care of her disabled mother. This has been a huge blessing to me, but has been very strenuous on her. I use to take care of grandma before Aunt Mole came, but now, I just have to take an evening here and there, and so I get a break from my home. More importantly Aunt Mole gets a break from hers. The side bonus is that grandma can have a little bit of variety in her life with someone new to talk to, or rather, complain to.
These are always good days though. I get the warm fuzzies for doing service. I feel like an important, helpful part of the family. I learn new lessons on patience each time. I also get to mix it up a bit by taking care of someone old, instead of someone young. I really believe, that when I am helpful, my mother beams with pride and gratitude up in heaven.
Do you do anything selfishly, under the guise of being helpful? Or am I just twisted?
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First... I know what you mean. My grandma (the one that speaks to me) is going down hill too! Her memory is going and her parkensons is terrible. (I can't spell.. sorry) And well.. she has turned mean. Its not the grandma I know and its so hard to watch my grandpa with her because his heart is breaking. She is so mean to him and I just want her to go because its hard to see her because she is so different from the lady she used to be.
2nd I am a selfish person. Let me just tell you! I hate giving service. I should be a good mormon and be happy to give of myself.. But well.. I suck at it. I love helping those I love... Like my grandma but I suck at regular types of service.
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