Glimpse into the Future

So last night I had bad chest pains, coupled with nausea. Couldn't sleep or lay down, so I wrote sub plans so that I could take today off work and go to the doctor.

When I called the Dr.'s office to make said apt. they asked what I wanted to be seen for. As soon a I said chest pain, they forwarded me to a nurse, who took all sort of history questions and asked about the pain. Then she put me on hold and came back with, " I talked to the Dr. and you should go right into the emergency room."

What! I didn't think I was really, really sick.

That was scary. My physician didn't even want to see me first to listen to my heart and lungs, take blood pressure, receive a copay, etc. He just wanted me to go straight to the ER! Isn't that where you go when your having an emergency? Like dying, or having an episode that leads to dying? Is chest pain, no, pressure really that big of a deal? I mean, yes it hurt, but sending me to the emergency room, isn't that a bit drastic?
So I cried and then chatted my husband, Velo. He left work and came to get me. The good man. I felt lots better with him by my side.

We got there and the nice young worker asked me what I needed as soon as I told him my story, he took me to be admitted. When the next person asked about the chest pressure and I told them it felt like a cowboy was standing on me with his big 'ol boot, he said that is the description most commonly associated with a Heart Attack, and with my diabetice, it's not unlikely.

So lots of worry on my part and many hours later, the hospital staff had done an EKG, which apparently mines is a little abnormal, because I am a little abnormal, not cuz' I was sick. They did some blood work to find that my enzyme levels were o.k. and not showing signs of recent distress. They also found my kidneys and liver seemed to be doing well. Great news, again because of the diabetic thing. So finally to figure it all out, a CT scan. Making sure I didn't have any blood clots in my lungs. Wow. Radical stuff.

After all that the doc came to tell me "there isn't a thing wrong with you."
Good news, yes. Frustrating to the person who couldn't sleep through the pain though.
He told me his ideas on how to avoid the problem again and what he thought it most likely was. Then reminded me to take care of my diabetes because it puts me at greater risk for all this to be real. Not the future I want. Making this experience a valuable slap in the face. I need to make some changes in my life. Even though it was all benign, I think I'll make a little more effort to eat right, exercise and watch my bg.

Oh, I almost forgot the best part. I was so freaked out that the entire time all nine people who took my history asked about heart failure and disease I told them there was none. It wasn't until I was almost done that I remembered, my mom died from a heart attack just four years ago. Durh! Bet the doctors thought I was a dummy when I had to correct myself on that one so late in the game.

My Son - Carson Taylor

Carson visited this world on Jan. 8, 2007 for just under three hours. Born early with anencephally we were so lucky to have him to love and hold for that space and time. My greatest association with Carson is love. He was such a wonderful loving little boy. One could just feel it. He infused me with it too, while I was pregnant with him. It was such a pleasant pregnancy. I’ve never felt healthier. He had such a perfect little spirit, so full of compassion, obedience and kindness. He would listen to his parents desires and try to obey, even while in the womb. He would provide me with comfort when I was sad. And helped me understand so much, including sacrifice, joy and sorrow. Carson cared so much about us. He was all the good things a person can be. This is partially why it was so painful to loose him. I am so glad to have been married for time and all eternity, that I may be sealed to my little prince forever. I anxiously await the day I will be able to hold him again.

My Mom - Cindy Lou

My beautiful mother suffered much in her late life. She was so ill, yet tried so hard to not show her pain. Always concerned with others lives, she would cast her own burdens to the side and emerse herself in her friends and family's problems, wishing she could fix them or help more. She was the best person I have known. An example of charity to the end.
She always made a plate of goodies for the neighbors around Christmas. She went to every little performance I had. Supported me in all my endeavors. Ached with me in my sorrows and heart aches. In true motherly fashion she would wear coats and things from Good Will ( like the DI) so I could have my name brand clothing. I learned so much from my mom, it just wasn’t enough. A girl always needs her mommy. The one person she should be able to call and have understand. I wish I could have had a chance to have her hold my babies. She always did want to be a grandma. I miss my mom, I miss my best friend.

My Grandpa - Lebaron Morril Robinson

My grandpa was such a unique man. He was so valient, honest and kind. He was my father figure until my mother married when I was 4, almost 5. I always looked up to him. He had such an amazing testimony and he bore it well. Not so much with words, but more so in action. He was a wonderful husband, attending to his sweethearts every need. He was the exact example of enduring to the end as he fought many types of cancer for many, many years. He was patient and full of love. As a true accountant he was very much the penny pincher. One of the grandchildrens favorite stories about grandpa was when he was a young father and the family had gone out for 10 cent cones, grandpa’s ice cream fell off the cone, and he actually picked it up off the ground and ate it, not wanting to waste the 10 cents. (Truth be know, he LOVED ice cream and I think he didn’t want that to go to waste.) LeBaron was a wonderful man who passed on many of his traits to his children and grandchildren, like perfectionism, being a pack rat and having a buoyant upbeat attitude toward life. I would always do anything he asked and with his memory close to my heart I strive to be the posterity he deserved.

My Savior - Jesus Christ

We talked about testimony’s in church yesterday and I have been reflecting on mine. Also on this day of remembrance for those we’ve lost, I can’t help but think on the blessings of the resurrection. I am so thankful for the atonement and the example of Christ’s life. It buoys me up in times of sadness and when I am overwhelmed. I believe that he came, he served others, he loved and he taught and then, that he died. But that he lives again. I belive we too will have this same blessing of life again, every one of us. I know we will be with our loved ones with whom we are departed. I know they still care for us and watch over us when possible. I believe in a God who loves us as his children and very literally is our Father in Heaven. I am so grateful for the blessings I have been given. I am grateful for my faith, for prayer, for undeserved blessings and confirmations by the Spirit.

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.

Being Memorial Day I wanted to write a little something about the people in my life for whom this day is dedicated. I am going to post them seperatly so as not to have one gigantic entry.

Good Advice from Good Housekeeping

For Christmas I was gifted Good Housekeeping Magazine. It’s a super fun read and I’m choosing to believe it was not a hint. So, part of my off track tasks include catching up on all the articles I’ve been wanting to read.
One on food diary’s said this... “It’s easy to overlook bites, licks, and tastes (know as BLTs to professionals). But that’s a huge mistake - there are 25 calories on average in each mouthful. Translation: Six little bites a day add up to around 15 extra pounds a year.”
Huh. How about that. I do plenty of BLTing. (No thanks to all the “incentives” I have around the classroom and Kathy’s tempting little candy dish.) Maybe I’m just sabotaging myself.
I know we all battle with weight and health issues, so I thought I’d share the knowledge. I really believe that’s half the battle.
Anyhow. I’ve been loving www.myfooddiary.com It has tons of food listings, is simple to use and really makes ya’ face reality too.
On a more uplifting yet similar note, another article I read said that, “ We are often so focused on what is wrong with our bodies that we forget to remember what is right. As if we are the sum of what is wrong with us....
“Your body is your home. And it’s hard to live in a home that you are constantly trashing.”

related links I found interesting:
http://www.geneenroth.com
http://www.mypyramid.gov/mypyramid/index.aspx.

Off Track

So I'm off track again. My goal this time. To blog, I want to get in at least 6 blog entry's before I go back on. We'll see if that happens.
I have been absent from the blogging world for so long because I am truly an addict. Christmas came in a whirl wind. I slowly quit getting on to read all my dear blogs. Then as the new year rolled around, I began counseling. She, aforementioned councilor, wanted me to start writing. "Well good, I already do that", I thought. I blog. But apparently I was supposed to be writing privately. Whatever. Well, it seemed silly to write stuff down twice, so I didn't blog, and the time I spend reading them quickly got overtaken by whatever else.
Back to being an addict. I don't feel like I can just jump back into blogs, so I have to go back into the back logs and read all of them that I'd missed. But again, can't just read them. HAVE to comment. I blame Dishes and Laundry for that. She started me in on the blogging phenomenon. And when she introduced me she said she was a comment hussy. (I don't remember the real term she used, but that was the point.) She did say she'd do anything for a comment. So, as a result I never read, without commenting.
Here I am with all the time I've been needing to clean the house, catch up on all the half crafts I've started and get ready for next year's class and the end of this year at school, and what do I choose to do?

A Shout Out

Today I was checking my voice mails, which I happen to check almost as frequently as I post. I found out that many of my friends still love me and call to chat and see what's goin' on. I had messages from almost every one of my life long buds. There was; Kimmy, Neenee, J., Meg, BFF, the Mauloulou's and Raimee. There was no Hope, but that's because she knows I don't check messages so she emails. And there was no Chelsey. That is because she thinks I am dead. And I maybe, to her at least. She is a faithful friend whom constantly calls and to no avail. Chelsey. I do love ya', and not mad, and no you did nothing to offend. I'm just busy and incapable of taking care of the Foosa and doing anything else, although I'm learning and making progress.

Thanks to all those loyal friends who still love me even when I don't show it back. You are all super important to me and have made me into the person I am today.